A realistic full letter to my younger self 18 or less

Dear, my young friend,
That’s right. I’m calling you my young friend instead of your birth name because we now have a different one, not officially, but you know. I know you always hated having such a long name anyways it’s why you’d shorten it and shorten it any way you could. At one point, you even got a first name idea from Z Delgado, a power rangers character, and wanted to change your first name to a nickname of just Z. Everybody else thought that was silly, and you know I’m gonna level with you it kinda is. But I get completely and totally where it’s coming from: a sense of uncomfortable feelings with everything you’ve ever been told you’re supposed to be, among other things. Something doesn’t feel right. You keep thinking, though you’ll have trouble pinning down what that is, why you feel this way, and how you can feel congruence within yourself.
For a while, you’ll think it’s because of bipolar or some other mental illness. Then you’ll move on to autism, probably. But none of these ever end describing that feeling accurately enough for you to put down what it is. Because I don’t think that they were (completely) correct answers for what was making you feel that way. There was a lot of itching at the back of your brain that wasn’t explained adequately enough by your mental illnesses or autism or even the combination of such things. So you went on wondering what it could be for years. But you eventually sort of settle on something for why it felt so wrong.
You’ll gawk when I say this or utterly deny it depending on where I think this letter would best get to you. You are transgender, yes you. You don’t deny that you’re part of the lgbtq+ community, but as much you say you’re bi or pan, you’re also very transphobic within that statement. Because your inner reaction when i said hey you’re trans “is that sounds weird/gross.” You say that, though, because most of what you hear from outside sources is genitalia talk, mostly coming from cis adults who know next to nothing about it. Except your mom, who’s always been kinda fine with it and will know before you even do that’s something is up. I’d like to say first, and foremost, though, that there are a million ways to be trans, and that (mostly) the only people obsessed with trans people’s genitals are kinda transphobic cisgender people. Thankfully, you never meet anyone who to your knowledge is like that, but you know they’re out there.
You like to think you’re above all that transphobia but you’re really not, not at any point up until 19 a few months before you start identifying as transgender (specifically just nonbinary at that point) completely. You’ll eventually find your place in the world identifying as a genderqueer trans man. It’ll be all sorts of confusing at first, especially with people telling you can’t have more than one label, which is bogus just BTW. You can be whatever you feel is right. And oh, something else no one will tell you about “indecisiveness” changing your mind about literally anything is proof that you have one. Your head isn’t clear about a lot of things right now, so I’ll let all this pass as we move on.
My young friend,a lot of things don’t make sense right now, and that’s because you are extremely self-centered. And it’s creating within you anxiety more than is necessary. You view the world as out to get you, but I’ll tell you this the world has (generally at those moments at least) more concerns than just one random autistic lgbtq+ kid that’s still in anywhere from middle to high school. That is to say, there’s bigger fish to fry for them. People only care about you if they’re family or extremely close friends, and even they only care about what you’re thinking, specifically maybe 50% or less of the time, depending on the circumstances. To be honest, they’re consumed with a combination of work, themselves, and the rest is divided into those people around them. And at least some of them aren’t as concerned as you are about what other people think of them specifically. This is mostly so they don’t drive themselves insane like you seem to with that.
You’ll come to realize that envy and others’ accomplishments don’t really matter as much as the thrill of getting better than you yourself were yesterday. And you may be thinking to yourself Ezra, that sounds corny and cheese and like the back of a cereal box and lastly not at all true. You also make many long lists, a trait you regrettably don’t grow out of. But worry not about that first thing here’s a fine example: you can’t say anything in Japanese right but I can say わたしはエズラです, which roughly means I am Ezra in Japanese, I can also code a bit, sing (albeit not very loud), make beautiful paintings and colored sketches, write poetry that makes everyone go “wow I wish I could write like that”, which is what you yourself said a lot while reading either “Animorphs” by K.A. Applegate or any story by either Scott Westerfield or James Patterson. Both you and mom consider it your greatest accomplishment, though you’re not yet published anywhere, well anywhere but the internet. I know for a fact, though I’m better than I was at most of that than I was yesterday. It’s because I worked at it and didn’t let anyone tell me “yeah well X is better at it,” at least most of the time. I kept going. I got a cousin that maybe wants to buy my art, people telling me my singing is good, and people telling me that if I keep going I will be a critically acclaimed published writer which I’m starting to agree with. You will find your own pride somewhere, which I know because I got there.
You’ll find joy in these things, too. In Japanese you’ll find a skill that few people not from that part of the world who aren’t doing it solely for anime purposes have, granted you’re mostly doing it for anime purposes but that’s besides the point. Knowing a little bit of coding allows you to say you know anything beyond nothing about tech. Singing (no matter how quietly) has touched your life, brought joy back to music for you, and also brought you 2.8k followers in that particular order. What art does for you is that it offers you a place to feel your feelings, something I know you wish you had at those points in your life.Writing poetry has revealed a hidden talent you never knew you had in you, writing stories long and short has brought about immense amounts of self discovery for you. Writing in general has helped/will help you rekindle much of your zest for life, though not all of it. Which is why what I’m about to tell you has been paramount to your life.
We each make our own joy. Not our own happiness that can come from many places, though they are closely linked. Joy comes from both happiness and sustaining the energy to be happy and maintain happiness and care for those around you as well as yourself fully and completely. Happiness you’ll find through proper medication, family, friends, music, art, poetry, and writing, all around you essentially, as well as deep in your inner world. The last one you no longer feel like a baby for having thankfully because that caused a lot of guilt in the past. Anyway joy comes from that plus healthily eating food you enjoy in moderation and some you don’t in slightly less moderation, plus finding a part of your purpose, to create, to dream, and to inspire others to do the same.
Essentially you will find in your first 21 years what it takes some adults years to find a sense of identity, a freaky level of self awareness, a part of your purpose, and how to find a joy that’s completely and totally your own. The rest we will have to figure out in time. But you are capable of so much more hang on kid I know It’s tough right now, but you’ll get through it and become the best version of yourself (not anyone else) by the time you reach me, just trust and believe, eh. You’re going to make it over that mountain.

Love, your slightly wiser, not much older self,Ezra.